Not currently logged on - Login/Register

OF THE PROFFESIONS

ARCHITECTURE.
I often wish'd that I had clear,
For life, six hundred pounds a year,
A handsome house to lodge a friend,
A river at my garden's end,
A terrace walk, and half a rood
Of land, set out to plant a wood.

Augustus at Rome was for building renown'd
And of marble he left what of brick he had found;
And is not our Nash' too a very great master ? -
He finds us of brick and leaves us all plaster.

Yet shall [my Lord] your just, your Noble rules
Fill half the land with initating Fools;
Who randome drawings from your sheets shall take.
Reverse your ornaments, and hang them all
On some patch'd dog hole ek'd with ends of wall;
Then clap four slices of Pilaster on't,
That, lac'd with bits of rustic, make a front.

It may be worth noticing that my understanding to preserve the resemblences of so many beautiful buildings, which are daily undergoing alteration, originated in the fall of a pot of coffee.
Gilbert Fisher.

EDUCATION.
A headmaster writes...I hope, sir that you're satisfied of us, If so I shallalwise thry, as well as my wife, to do all wee can to improve your daughters in everything, especially in their morals and manners."

Learning itself is no ornament, but lessens the value of those charms which must be unavoidabley either obscured or tarnished by it...The most beautiful woman in the world would not be half so beautiful if she was as great a mathamatician as Sir Isaac Newton. While she was contemplating the regularity of the motions of the heavenily bodies, very irregular would be the proceedings of her children and servants.
James Boswell.

"I had this day a walk there with Sheridan. Said he Our present plan of education is very bad. A young man is taught for a number of years a variety of things which, when he comes into the world, he finds of no manner of use. There is not one thing taught for the conduct of real life. The mind is ploughed and harrowed, but there is no seed sown."

"Let schoolmasters puzzle their brains, with grammer and nonsense and learning. Good liquer I stoutly maintain, gives genius better discerning."
Oliver Goldsmith.[She stoops to Conquer].

"I come to your way of thinking hollidays spoils children. It takes there attention of from scool, it gives them a bad habbit. When they have been a month and goes back this does not pleas them, and that is not wright, and the do nothing but think wen the shall go back again.
Emma Hamilton.[aged 19].

The Duke of Wurtembergs' Academy where...lads of every nation, every religion, every age and even every rank are here admitted - from the sons of common soldiers up to Barons and Counts...Each follows his genius. We saw rooms for painting, sculpture, drawing,music,Latin, Greek, Hebrew, etc, etc. This is the  screat of education and it succeds accordingly. Different geniuses have rip[ened at different ages, and some premature ones have been blighted when least expected. Thoas who after every trial, have shown no talent at all become good dunces; this event never fails. The Duke feeds, clothes and lodges everyone. No one is allowed to recieve money even from his parents, nor on any pretence to transgress the bounds of the college without an inspector. Each lies in a seperate bed, and fifty of them sleep so cleanly in one room that the air is as pure within as without. I did not think so perfect a system of education existed anywhere.
Fredrick Hervey.

"Idleness is a disease which be combated; but I would advise a ridged adherance to a particular plan of study. I myself have never persisted in any plan for two days together. A man ought to read just as inclination leads him; for what he reads as a task will do him little good. A young man should read five hours in a day, and so may acquire a great deal of knowledge."
Dr Johnson.

"Among all schools where the knowledge of mankind is to be acquired, I know of none equel to that of a booksellers shop especially if the master is of a inquisitive and communicative turn and is in a conciderable line of buisness. His shop will then be a resort for men, women and children, of various nations, and more various capacieties, dispositions, etc."
James Lackington.

"I would propose that schools for the education of such girls,[Young Ladies] should be kept be discreet women; those who have been housekeepers in large families would be the properest people for this purpose; that young people should be taught submission and humility to their superiors, decency and modesty in their own dress and behavior. That they should be very well instructed in all kinds of plain work, reading, writing, accounts, pastry, pickling, preserving and other branches of cooking; be taught to weave and wash lace and other linen. Thus instructed they may be of great assistance to their parents and husbands; they may have a right to expect the kindest treatment from their mistresses; they are sure to be respected as useful members of society; wheras young ladies are the most useless of God's creatures."
London Chronicle.

To make society happy and people easy under the meanest circumstances, it is requiste that great numbers of them should be ignorant as well as poor. Knowledge both enlarges and multiplies our desires, and the fewer things a man wishes for, the more easily his necessities may be supplied.
B.Manderville.

"When you peruse Admiral Pye's letter you would please not to scrutinize too close either the speling or to the grammatical part as I allow myself to be no proficient in either. I had the mortification to be neglected in my education, went to sea at 14 without any & a man of war was my university."
Admiral Pye to Lord Sandwich.

LAWERS.
The gamesters and lawyers are jugglers alike,
If they meddle your all is in danger,
Like gypseys, if once they can finger a souse,
Your pockets they pick, and they pilfer your house,
And give your estate to a stranger.

A pearly shell for him and thee - the oyster is the lawyers fee.
Dighton.

MEDICINE.
You could be suffering with...Flying Gout, Bloody Flux, Canker, French Pox, Livergrown, Scald Head, St Anthony's Fire, Tympany, Surfeit, Twitching of the Guts, Stoppage of the Stomache, Water in the Head, Headsmouldshot, Horseshoe Head, Rising of the Lights, Moonpall, Strong Fives, Marthamble, Hyppochondriack Passions, Epoplecktick Fitts or Hockogrockles.

''Madame told me that there is a kind of little worm in your teeth you can't see with the eyes, but they are like toads, and that if you don't brush your teeth like you should, they will gradually eat them away.''

''There we was all lecktrified a thing impossible to describe. It's composed of a mixture of combustables that if you touch it Fire flies out of it, besides you have a Sush a Sudden Shock with it. We all hold hands in hand about seven of us which I toucht it, and the moment I was struck so hard in the stomach I could not stand, the rest felt it as well as me, if there were five hundred it would be the same.''

''Say, then physicians of each kind,
who cure the body or the mind,
what harm in drinking can there be,
since punch and life so well agree?.''

Dr Brodum's nervous cordial. This is eminent in its virtues in curing the nrevous and consumptive complaints, especially deafness. It is likewise an infallable remedy for most in natures decay, certain weaknesses, abstructions in young ladies, etc.
Berrows Worcester Journal.

From files at random recipe they take.
And many deaths from one perscription make.
Dryden.

G.''I am sorry for it, you have quitted a proffesion I have always loved, and have embraced one I most heartly detest.''
W.''Sir, our Savior Himself went about healing the sick.''
G.''Yes, yes, but he had not £700.00 [a year] for it.''
George III to The Rev [Doctor] Willis.

''Later his mother do make a violet pudding for when he do cum back from market, it being a good cure for cross husbands. This is how it be made;  you take the dried blossoms six handfuls and boil it gently till verrie tender, then chop verrie fine; next mix with six eggs whipt to a froth with a big spoonful of bee honey and the juice of a lemon.''
Anne Hughues.

For indigestion and ease of the bowls...''take an ounce of dried orange peel finely powdered, divide it into scruples, and take one scruple at a time in any manner; the best way perhaps is to drimkit in a glass of hot red port, or to eat it first and to drink the wine after it. If you mix cinnomon or nutmeg with the powder it were not worse, but it will be more bulky and so more troublesome. This is a medicine not discusting, not costly, easily tried, and if not found useful easily left off.''
Dr Johnson.

''All Doctors are mortel enemies to wine in sickness and in health, and yet I know not a class of men generally speaking who like it better, or are quicker putters about of the bottle.''
William Linley.

''I, according to the established atiquette, introduced the Princess Caroline to him. She very properly, in consequence of my saying to her it was the right mode of proceeding attempted to kneel to him. He raised her and embraced her, said barely one word, turned round, retired to a distant part of the apartment, and calling me to him, said ''Harris, I am not well; prey, get me a glass of brandy.''
Lord Malmesbury.

Citizen,''Prey Doctor, what became of that patient of yours ? Was not her skull fractured ?''
Physician,''Yes. To pieces. However, I got her cured !''
Citizen,''Good Lord !''
Overheard.

''I have sometimes been amazed to see him, without the least hesitation, make up a physicians prescription though he had not in his shop one medicine mentioned in it. Oyster shells he could invent into crab's eyes; common oil into, oil of sweet almonds; syrup of sugar, into balsamic syrup; Thames water, into aqua cinnamoni; turpentine, into capivi, and a hundred more costly preparations were produced in an instant, from the cheapest and coarsest drugs of the materia medica; and when any common thing was ordered for a patient, he always took care to disguise it in colour or taste.''
Tobias Smollett.[Roderick Randome].

''Being arrived in the warm lattitudes, I ordered, with the Captains consent, the whole ships company to be bloodied and purged, myself undergoing the same evacuation, in order to prevent these dangerous fevers to which northern constitutions are subject to in hot climates; and I have reason to belive that this precaution was not unserviciable, for we lost but one sailor during our whloe passage down the coast.''
Tobias Smollett.[Roderric Randome].

''Dr Warren in some set of fine phrases is to tell His Majesty that he is stark mad and must have a straight waist-coat. I am glad that I am not chosen to be that rat who is to put the bell about the cats neck. For if it should please God to restore His Majesty to his senses, I should not like to stand in the place of that man who has moved such an address to the crown.''
George Selwyn.

''One Doctor Argent was the last Physician that called on patents on horseback, and took fees; he was nearly at the head of his proffesion; those below him used to walk the town in splatterdashes to look as if they rode sometimes; since then for the last fifty years, no Dictor dreamed of being in the streets without his chariot, but now again my friend Jebb, though I think he has no less than three equipages...rides very often to look at the gay fellows about town. How the times and fashions change !''
Mrs Thrale.

To cure tail shot in cattle...''the cure is to open that part of the tail so split lengthways and put in an onion boiled and some salt, and bind it up with some coarse tape.''
Parson Woodforde.

City Deaths 1732.
Broken Legs,3. Drowned,59. Executed,17. Bruised,2. Excessive Drinking,4. Frightened,1. Found Dead,39. Murdered,11. Overlaid,47. Planet Struck,1. Made away with themselves,28. Killed by several accidents,55.
Weekly Worcester Journal.

''I did my best and spared nothing, but had she been a pauper in a village she would, I verily think have been alive and hearty. Such are the blessings of money; it has cost me £100.00 to destroy my child.''
Arthur Young.

POLITICS.
''The electors of Westminster never willchoose, to run down a Fox and set up a Goose.''

''To be free then, is to have a House of Commons that is so; free from all influence and corruption, independant of the arbitrary will of the Prince, independant of his ministers, independant of their smiles and favours, independant of all power but what is legal; in short independant of everything, but that liberty of which it has the honour to be the support and guardian.''

''When Mr Fox heard, [of the death of Pitt] it he turn'd pale as ashes, and did not speak for some minutes, and then only in a low voice repeated several times; 'I am very sorry, very very sorry;'' and afterwards, ''This is not a time to loose talents like his.'' Grey too - in short, shall I tell you the remark generally made, that to judge by the appearance of people, it would be imagin'd Opposition had lost a dearer friend than ministers...I must tell repeat Mr Fox's words; no others can convey what I belive every heart feels...''Impossible impossible; one feels as if there was something missing in the world - a chasm, a blank that cannot be supplied.''

Election hospitality...''Our doors are open to every dirty fellow in the county that is worth forty shillings a year; all my best floors are spoiled by the hobnails of farmers stamping about them; every room is a pig stye, and the Chinese in the drawing room stinks so abominably of punch and tobbacco that it would strike you down to come into it.''
Earl of Cork.

''The political tumult here is incredible and every morning relates some new debate of the preeceding night. I only laugh at 'em, and say a Frenchman turning patriot in imitation of an Englishman is the fable of the frog swelling to the size of an ox - they laugh too, and talk on...''
Frederick Hervey.

''Public discussion is the best security for public welfare, and for the safety of every good government.''
Charles James Fox.

''Unwilling subjects are little better than enemies.''
Charles James Fox.

''Providence has so organised the world that very little government is necessary.''
Lord Shelbourne.

The Treaty of Amiens...''It is a treaty of which everyman is glad and no man is proud.''
Richard Brindsley Sheridan.

''I assure you madame, I have every respect for their Majasties, but still more for the constitution of my country. You'll excuse me ,madame, but I vote for Mr Fox.''
A Tradesman.

''Where Kings can ride on horseback and can inflict punishment revelution is impossible.''
Wellington.

RELIGION.
Incription on a bell...''Hurrah for the Church if England and down with Enthusiasm.''

The Reverand wig, in sideway order placed,
The Reverand band, by rubric strains disgraced,
The leering eye in wayward circles rolled,
Mark him the pastor of a jovial field,
Whose various texts exite a loud applause,
Favouring the bottle, and the good old cause.

''Her husband was a ensign in the Guards, and at the battle of Fontenoy fairly hid himself; for which he was disgracefully broke at the head of the army. He turned clergyman, and being an Earls' brother has done very well.''
James Boswell.

''...but their distress cannot be greater than mine are. I have a wife who is far advanced in pregnancy, I have around me nine poor children, for whom I never yet provided shoe or stocking...My income is £35.00 per annum, and I do the duty of four parishes.''
A Welsh Curate.

When choosing a chaplin...
When Dukes or Noble Lords a chaplin hire,
They first of his capacities enquire,
If stoutly qualified to drink and smoke,
If not to nice to bear an impious joke,
If tame enough to be the common jest,
This is a chaplin to his Lordships taste.
R.Dodsley.

On the clause respecting the propogation of christianity in India, a discussion ensued. Messers Marsh, Forbes, Predergast, Sir H. Montgomery and other gentlemen who had been to India, urged the danger of interfering with the religion of the Hindoos, which might endanger the existance of our Indian Empire. They likewise defended the Hindoo charactor from the aspirations which had been cast upon it. The tenet of their religion were pure and moral; the men and women modest and submissive; and the practice of isacrificing enfants to the Ganges, and likewise permitting the self-immolation of widows, were neither reccomended nor permitted by their religioun.''
House of Commons.

''Sir, a womans preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprized to find it done at all.''
Dr Johnson.

''I have heard the most miserable twaddle from the pulpits. Today I have been in several churches where the sermons seem to have been drawn from pamphlets on dogma. It is said there is a Jew living here from where the clergy order sermons to be written for money.''
Pastor Moritz.

''I'm against you, by God. I am for the established church, damne ! Not that I have any more regard for the established church than for any other church, but because it is established. And if you can get your damned religion established, I'll be for that too !''
Lord Thurlow to the Nonconformists.

[Blackbourne]''...the jolly old Archbishop of York, who had all the manners of a man of quality, though he had been a buckineer and was a clergyman; but he retained nothing of his first proffession except his seraglio.''
Horace Walpole.

''After breaking a razor...''may it be a warning to me not to shave on the Lords day, or to do any other work to profane it, pro futuro.''
Parson Woodforde.

''Whilst at dinner today, a letter was brought me by my butchers lad, from the Bishop of Norwich to request me to preach the nineteenth on March next at Saint Clements at Norwich, for the benefit of the charity schools there. I do not relish it.''
Parson Woodforde.

''The true christian, will never be a leveller and will never listen to French politics or to French philosophy.''
Arthur Young.

WRITERS.

"No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money."
Dr Johnson.

As I am yet unemployed, I hope you will, if anything should offer, remember and reccommend, Sir, your humble servant, Saml Johnson."
Dr Johnson.